14th August 2008 - I remember when I was asked to leave the SVD five years ago. I thought my life was finished
; this was the end of my dream. I was so down. I was angry. Two questions came to my mind: am I not worthy enough to be an SVD? Is that true that I am a bad guy with no future? I started to blame the people around me. I blamed the SVD and my friends. I found it very hard to forgive myself and forgive others. I was desperate. It was one of the toughest moments in my life.
Then in January 2004, I came to Canberra and tried to forget the past. I had new expectation, new hope for a new life. However, I didn’t realize that I was very fragile. There were anger and deep wounds still inside me. In this situation I tried to deal with my problem. I was lucky enough to live in a new place with good people, supportive community, caring friends who helped me to build up my life again. I learned to handle myself under pressure. I came to know myself better, step by step, in everyday life. Self knowledge was very important for me.
I was really touched by reading Henry Nouwen ’s reflection. He says that there are three moments of spiritual life:
; this was the end of my dream. I was so down. I was angry. Two questions came to my mind: am I not worthy enough to be an SVD? Is that true that I am a bad guy with no future? I started to blame the people around me. I blamed the SVD and my friends. I found it very hard to forgive myself and forgive others. I was desperate. It was one of the toughest moments in my life.Then in January 2004, I came to Canberra and tried to forget the past. I had new expectation, new hope for a new life. However, I didn’t realize that I was very fragile. There were anger and deep wounds still inside me. In this situation I tried to deal with my problem. I was lucky enough to live in a new place with good people, supportive community, caring friends who helped me to build up my life again. I learned to handle myself under pressure. I came to know myself better, step by step, in everyday life. Self knowledge was very important for me.
I was really touched by reading Henry Nouwen ’s reflection. He says that there are three moments of spiritual life:
From loneliness to solitude – reaching out to our innermost self;
From hostility to hospitality – reaching out to fellow human beings;
From illusion to prayer – reaching out to God.
Yes, everyday life is meaningful, even to the most neglected, disadvantaged and troubled. I must say that it took a long time for me to forgive my past. It takes time and effort to forgive. But Jesus Christ has given me the foundation, motivation and energy for forgiveness to happen. It is also one of the petitions of the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Mt. 18:21-19:1). ~
(N.B. Meantime Eddie has returned to the SVD. He is now one of our students at DMC. The above is an excerpt of the Reflection he gave to our community on the 14th August).
